And then there are the self-inflicted moments of not feeling good enough and wanting to improve yourself, maybe by watching “motivational” videos. I had my periods watching that stuff in my early twenties. “Fulfill your potential,” “pain is temporary,” yadayada. Anyway, it’s all with the intent of improving (because you don’t feel good enough).

And yes, improvement has brought us much—new technology has saved both my life and that of my daughter, for example—and it isn’t a bad thing to improve yourself either, per se. It is better to feel healthier and happier than not, and all that. But when improvement at all costs—or even more sadly, consuming “content” about improving yourself without doing anything—is what society is mainly busy with, we lose the whimsy and fun that life inherently provides. We lose the actual happiness we try to achieve by “improving ourselves.”

So instead of improving, I say we’d better start improv-ing.

You know, improv, the term used for on-the-spot playing with whatever is in front of you, especially in theater (coming from the full word improvisation). Or, as I see it, dancing with reality as it presents itself, where you don’t try to improve it, but play with it, move with it, improvise with it.

One of the key ways that improv works, and keeps working, is by saying “Yes, and…” In an actual improv session, when someone says, “Do you want a cup of coffee?” you don’t say, “No, I don’t like coffee.“ Because that way, you stop the game of improv (or at least make it harder to play). Instead, see the question of wanting coffee as an invitation. You might say, “Yes, please, with some milk.” Or, if you want to keep closer to the actual truth of not wanting coffee, improv around it and say, “I normally like coffee, but I’m trying to lower my caffeine, do you have tea, maybe, or decaf?” This invites the other player(s) to play in turn because you added something to the game.

Life can be like that amazing improvisation game, and is an amazing improv partner; it’s always willing to play.2 But instead, a large part of society and culture focuses on improvement all the time,3 which is so goal- or outcome-focused that you miss the invitations from the world around you to come out and play.

So here’s an exercise for you:

Next time you come across something that you want to change or make better, ask yourself, “How can I play with this? How can I say ‘Yes, and…’ to this situation, instead of trying to improve it?” I bet you’ll get funny, even peaceful (because you’ll accept life more), and unexpected results out of your dance with life!

Cheers,

Jibran

Naturally, I am not so much a man of action. I am more of a thinking man.

I would even go so far as to say that if you’d point to an actual addiction I have, it’d be capital T, Thinking, or better said, overthinking.

To avoid overthinking today’s piece… (heh), I won’t be discussing all the reasons for overthinking, such as fear of failure, a lack of self-acceptance, health issues, and all that jazz.

What I will discuss today is my choice of mate, of all things.

Even though I have learned to stop overthinking (as much) and embrace uncertainty, taking action is something I have had to learn (and am still learning).

This process of becoming a man of action is a bit like forging a seemingly useless piece of metal into a functional tool or majestic weapon. In the raw iron ore lies the ultimate potential, but it needs hammering and shaping to come into being.

Still, even though a blacksmith can forge great things, at the beginning, he is very limited. He can only make great works by using the right tools. Tools he must first make with lesser tools. And with those tools, make better tools. So, by definition, his first work will not be as great as his potential. Though working onward, making better tools, and in turn using these tools to shape even greater work, he can achieve the best work he is able to.

Only then may he achieve his potential.

The first tool he needs to make is a hammer. At the start, though, a piece of stone could suffice as a hammerhead. So he’d shape a metal hammerhead by pounding on it with a piece of rock.

At this time, I wouldn’t fault you for thinking the hammer is the most important tool for a blacksmith, but it’s actually not.

“What is it then?” you ask.

Well, it’s the thing to pound on, like another (bigger) rock. But a rock is brittle and will break. It’s much better to have something that doesn’t break under pressure. Something level and firm, so the newly forged tool can be straight and true. Something that can take the heat from the blacksmith’s inexperienced, heavy-handed beating.

The best is a strong steel anvil.

No, not because I’m beating her, you silly! (Though she won’t say no to a good “pounding” that sets sparks flying. 🥵🙈)

And no, also not because of her weight (she weighs less than 54kg/120lb).

No, it’s because, for one, her last name is Steel…

I kid you not.

More importantly, and true to her name, she is the steel anvil on which I forge my tools of action-taking.

You see, she is very much action-oriented. On a Thinking-Action spectrum, we are each other’s opposites. Meaning, for me, she’s the best teacher in taking action that I can have. Day in and day out, I am confronted by her inclination to take action.

Here’s a simple, real-life, but telling example:

I’m excessively planning and overthinking, again, on some maintenance on the house.

She calls me out and tells me to just get to work on it.

Me, ignoring her, dive deeper into the details of what to do, but don’t pick up the actual maintenance work.

*time goes by*

Then—and this is most confronting to me—she picks up the hammer herself to do the maintenance!

Oh the shame!

Like a true anvil, she bounces back with exactly the action-taking energy that I put into my (over)thinking.

I’d even say that my falling in love with Gigi over 16 years ago was partly due to my natural intuition in finding an equal but opposite force to my overthinking.

And now, having finally married a few years ago, I can truly say I’m her “Man of Steel” (as opposed to “Boyfriend of Steel,” which she was pestering me with for 14 years)!

But not merely a “Man of Steel” because I’m Steel’s husband, but mainly because, with her help as my Steel anvil, I have been forging myself into a better action-taking tool to pursue my potential.

And finally, as many of you know, “Man of Steel” is also a name given to Superman…

I only hope I can aspire to be her Superman. ❤️

PS. I have an actual 600-pound anvil in the backyard, which I bought when I was moonlighting as a blacksmith 10+ years ago. Here’s the crazy story of how it got there:

In late April, I went on a short solo hiking trip and wrote down some thoughts; here’s a part of it.

So, what have I learned from this trip? Well, nothing and a lot, lol.

“Just be kind” is again the only essential lesson. But the why of it sometimes helps to make it stick. And there are many whys.

Like realizing that we all have both the ability and every reason to suffer constantly—just open a newspaper, and there it is, suffering. Life is difficult enough already. There’s no reason to make it even harder. Just be kind.

Second, every moment is stored in your bodymind, not as distinct memories per se—although I can see that may happen with very impactful singular moments—but every interaction (re)shapes the nervous system. Every angry face or voice, especially from a parent (figure) or, later, a partner, is a strong influencer of emotions and thus of what is happening within you.

When you are aware of such an emotion rising up (due to whatever is happening in that moment, be it an interaction with a person or watching the news), you can kind of “dissipate” what you feel, in a good way. I.e., you let the emotion that arises run its course without necessarily needing to act on it. (You’re being kind toward the emotion.) But without this welcoming awareness that emotion may not get its time in the light, because it’s not allowed, and then it is stored in this contorted pattern within you.

That’s what trauma is, a strong contortion of your bodymind/nervous system in such a way that whatever comes in gets interpreted and filtered as dangerous, fearful, etc. All this is a survival mechanism, of course. Without it, we, as humans, would be long dead. But that doesn’t mean you should let that survival mechanism drive the bus, so to speak.

Alas, this (emotional) awareness is something we’re definitely not all blessed with naturally or equally, though it can be cultivated. But not everyone has the time, knowledge, or guidance to practice that, so when people act with kindness toward you, you to them, and you to yourself, it goes a long way!

Anyway, enough for now, as I’m hungry (and letting the hunger emotion run its course 😉).

I have a story about hunger as well, btw, or rather, satiation. And why fasting is such a powerful practice, being able to sit with dis-satisfaction. Being satisfied with hunger. That is actually a way out of suffering.

Cheers,

Jibran

PS. I know it’s been a while since I posted something. I’ve been working a lot on my business (producing and selling card decks, here in the Netherlands, as a tool that helps with meaning-making) and moved offices as well. But I hope to share something here on Substack more often, though I won’t sweat it when I don’t. (I’ve let go of the need for posting weekly for a few years now, but gaps as long as I currently have are maybe too much toward the other end of the spectrum…)

Anyway, see you soon!

I wrote the piece below about two years ago as a kind of hypothesis. At the time it didn’t quite fit with my other work, so I left it in my drafts. But since the topic has recently been in the news here in The Netherlands more often, I feel it’s the right moment to share it.

Most men have not experienced an initiation process, a coming-of-age ritual to get into manhood, nor have they seen many examples of actual masculinity, of “real” men.

Sorry to start with a side note after only one sentence, lol, but I think it is necessary to quickly explain what I mean by the terms “real” men and “real” women. In short, a real man or woman is someone who lives according to who they truly are/feel themselves to be. Not putting on a mask of “manhood” or “womanhood.” So I don’t believe there is an actual objective definition of real men and real women—though I would say some major traits are much, much more common among one group vs the other and vice versa, that’s what I’m talking about below.

In any case, I do think YOU have a version that is true to you in your mind about your manhood or womanhood. So it’s fine to go with that.

As a consequence, they have not learned to serve and protect (what I see as some of the important traits in masculinity). Instead, they only take or receive, i.e., “momma’s boys” or “spoiled boys” that turn into fiends.

And because there are so few men who lead, protect, and serve by example, these spoiled men have not learned that with greater (physical) power comes a greater responsibility. So the greediest of these manless men use their power to take what they want from the “givers,” universally understood to be the feminine, nourishing, and accepting, though physically weaker.

In historical (maybe idealised, probably simplified… hunter-gatherer) times, there would be equality and an equal transaction; women would nourish and give, and trust that the men around them would serve and protect.

A WIN-WIN.

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So, now that the game is more and more a WIN-LOSE game—I would say due to society becoming so large that immoral people can reign free—the rise of radical feminism is an understandable reaction to the unmanhood of many men; better to be on the winning side of a WIN-LOSE game, right?

But attacking masculinity—what seems radical feminism is about, as opposed to non-radical feminism, which seeks to have equal rights for men and women—has the exact opposite effect. It tries to win a WIN-LOSE game, but actually leads to a LOSE-LOSE outcome.

This happens, imo, because radical feminism conflates the power grab of immoral men with true manhood. And thus tries to feminize men (even more), creating a feedback cycle of "spawning" more immoral men. This happens in at least two ways (that overlap):

• men who grew up to see themselves as so weak or guilty for being a man that they become the human version of a castrated cat. (Easily swayed by others due to insecurity, no woman trusts them to protect them, higher chance to stay alone, possibly grows resentful. i.e., an “incel”1…)

• men who lean into the bad things that are said about masculinity (if you say, “you’re a bad boy!” long enough, some really do start to turn into a bad boy/man) and who might follow, say, a toxic masculinity guru (which, imo, is far from actual masculinity).

I don't know the answer to the broader societal issues at play (were it so easy, we wouldn't have these conversations), but I’m sure the answer is not to deny our femininity or masculinity. I.e., “castrating” men as opposed to helping them feel strong enough to sit comfortably and vulnerably with their own feelings, or teaching women to constantly put on a cold steel harness as opposed to helping them become confident and caring and willing to trust, is a harmful knee-jerk reaction.

It’s also not becoming a radical feminist, an incel, or a follower of Tate, btw.

The best, I think, is to just be kind to yourself and to others, and whether you are (very) feminine or masculine—no matter your gender—just to be yourself and accept others as they are.

And don’t forget, luckily, most people are good.

Jibran ❤️

PS. Maybe a small endnote: The premise is “fewer good men lead to fewer good women.” But it’s equally true the other way around. “Fewer good women lead to fewer good men.” (Men get raised by women as well, as just one data point.) But, as a man, I feel it’s more appropriate for me to write the male side of things, because there’s an actual lived experience there. So if I were to write the “other side,” so to speak, I would need way more research and conversations. But maybe there is a woman among you who has comments on this.

PPS. Ok, another endnote, lol. I speak here of masculine, feminine, man, woman; if you identify as one or the other (or none, or in between) but feel more masculine/feminine, read it as if it speaks to you. In the context of society, psychology, and all the issues surrounding this, I find the metaphor of manhood/womanhood/feminine/masculine much more interesting than our actual physical gender phenotypes.

Hey Noob,1

I peeked into your inventory the other day.

Full stack of health potions, exotic elixers for concentration, willpower, mana—your current build doesn’t even use magic, by the way—and even a few rare buffs I haven’t seen since patch 2.3.

All untouched. Perfectly preserved… to do what, set up shop?

Look, I get it.

You think you’ll need them for an even bigger fight. For the “real” boss. For that moment when you’ll finally feel “worthy” to pop the good stuff. You’re so convinced that what lies ahead is more difficult than what’s in front of you, so you think it’s better not to waste anything now. Careful. Efficient…

Fearful, really.

You know, some players go entire campaigns stocking up. Hoarding resources, plan’n to use them, but never using them. They grind through every zone with only 50 HP, reluctantly suffering damage-over-time, shamefully begging others for buffs, all because they’re afraid to use what they’ve been given.

Then one day, they arrive at the final cutscene… You know what happens to all those potions and items?

They vanish together with the credits.

You can’t take them into the endgame or your next character. There is no bonus XP for finishing the game full of unused potential, man. All you get to keep is how you played the game and who you helped along the way.

And what’s more: the buffs you’re sitting on? They aren’t just for you…

Some are designed to be shared: area-of-effect healing, group teleports, and damn, even three elixers of resurrection that you can’t even use on yourself. You keeping that stuff “just in case” is costing your whole damn party.

The good news? You’ve had enough stuff to press forward for a while now.

You’re merely afraid.

The even better news? It’s not too late to start using them.

So drop a heal, share the buffs, take the risks, and enjoy the journey. Stop acting like the game is meant to be survived instead of being played.

Use your damn potions, Noob.

—From your frequently deceased mentor who’s still rooting for you,
Respawn Rick

So, what do you think of this format? Did you like it? Was it weird? Or refreshing? Did you recognize yourself in this, in gaming in real life? Let me know!

Leave a comment

Cheers,

Jibran

In late March, my wife and I were wandering through a local national reserve, and as we looked out over the magnificent marshes, a phrase came to my mind:

I found that it both alliterated beautifully and captured what I feel is true, so over the last two weeks, I started crafting a few more of these alliterative lines. But quickly, I found there were too many beautiful words to use!

So, I thought it’d be an enjoyable and creative exercise to turn it into a mindfulness-themed ABC.

Here it is. Let me know which ones resonate with you!

If you come up with any of your own, please feel free to comment!

Leave a comment

Jibran ❤️

*I think I’m correct in assuming most of you reading this don’t know the words Xenial or Xanadu. So let me briefly explain 😉

• Xenial means being hospitable (in the context of welcoming guests and strangers). Xanadu is a mythical, idyllic city. What I mean here is to make your (inner) idyllic city welcoming to all visitors. Both others and your inner other-selves.

• Oh, and yes, this was very hard to come up with; I definitely had to use both a dictionary and a thesaurus!

Sometimes, you’re so much in the thick of it that you’re unaware of your state, whether it be emotional, mental, or physical. But those states affect you and those around you 24/7. Getting a heads-up on how you feel and how you are going through your world can be very nice.

The term “heads-up display” is pretty cool, though I never thought about the meaning of the name before writing this, the display is giving you a “heads-up.” Duh!

To explain the function of a heads-up display (HUD) in a game a bit for those not initiated in the world of gaming, let’s look at any modern first-person shooter game—for example, Halo—where it’s helpful to see some stats or notifications of your in-game states. There’s a health bar, shield indicator, ammo indicator, and a bunch more. They show you important information about the state of your in-game character so you can act on the information and play the game better, with more fun and mastery.

Much like a game’s HUD, it’s even more useful to have an in-life one that helps you to be aware of your personal state. So let’s try to imagine one through a fun little exercise!

1. Imagine a heads-up display in your mind that tracks important states for you. (Maybe it works best for you if you close your eyes.) You can use any colors, symbols, and sounds that you feel are applicable. Then be still, take a few deep breaths, and feel your body…

2. What sensations come up? Is there tightness, unease, or pain somewhere? Where does it come from? If you’d imagine a HUD alarm, what would it say? (“Beep beep, find a health pack!”) Are you thirsty? (”Beep beep beep, your hydration bar is low!”) Are you hungry? Sleepy? Sad? Excited? Distracted?

3. No matter what sensations come up, allow them, feel them, and take note especially of the ones you’d like to check more often. Then put an extra alert for that sensation on your imagined HUD.

4. Next time you feel overwhelmed, close your eyes, imagine your personal HUD, and see what alarms or notifications pop up that you can act on (or just be aware of and accept).

Let me know what it was like to do this exercise!

Cheers!

Jibran

PS. And just so you remember, it’s never the case that you’re not feeling anything; the question is, are you aware of the sensations?

After writing the first post in this series—on the most important words a man can say—I quickly pressed on and was halfway through writing some high-brow 4000-word part 2. (With examples from culture, jokes, philosophical references, and even a new meme! All the bells and whistles.)

But then I didn’t touch my writing for a week and realized—and I have to relearn this every time—that I was making things too complex again.

Sometimes I’m such a donkey. 😂

Often, the most difficult things are better explained implicitly, through metaphor, instead of explicitly. Just like giving a hug to someone grieving a loss is a much better way to show you care than saying something like, “My condolences” or, “I’m sorry to hear that.” (Here I go, explaining again, haha!)

So, today, I’ll tell you my perspective on how meaning-making happens through a short illustrative story I wrote.1

Awakening in the stream

After long last, you’ve become aware that you’re in a river and realize that you got sloshed around all the time, not knowing up from down, trying to swim upstream with so much effort but barely any result. You were at the mercy of the rushing water around you. This is what it felt like not to have control and having a feeling of never gaining any control. Your main drivers were existential dread, frustration, and anger at the world and its injustice.

But now that you’ve become aware you’re in a river, you laugh out loud at the idea of swimming upstream, and you realize that mucking about underwater is achieving very little as well. So you accept the lack of control, you let go, and “go with the flow.”

As you float up to the surface, you gain a clear view of the river, where it came from, and where bends, turns, and waterfalls are coming up. Then you notice that you can swim in the river, and you decide to try to reach the banks of the river. You’re able to hold onto the side of the riverbank for a very short moment, resulting in a moment of extreme clarity as the river, as life, rushes you by with its raging life force.

After a while, you realize you can even aim—or direct—tiny parts of the river’s flow using your body. You find you do have some control after all, even if it’s very little. After playing in the water with your newfound abilities, you look around and see other people in the water with you. You see many thrashing around just like you did before, and you feel a deep understanding and compassion for them. The thrashing causes some suffering, mainly for the ones thrashing around. Still, all those people struggling so hard mostly create random splashes that the river was making anyway.

You also see a few others, slowly drifting with the stream, head above water, looking ahead or to the side peacefully and with clarity, just like you. You start making eye contact, realize you’re “in the same boat,” and slowly drift to each other. The group of people you connect with in this way becomes larger and larger, and you realize that together, you can create exponentially bigger shifts in where the water flows.

Together, your actions of directing the water create temporary pools where those thrashing around in the river can find calm, peace, and joy. On top of that, the connections you build with those directing the stream with you create a sense of belonging and purpose; your realization of being in the river shows you that it’s impossible not to make meaning.

You’re grateful the river exists, for without it, you wouldn’t have had the possibility of making those connections, enjoying the flow, and helping those around you.

Afterword

As a long-time seeker of meaning, I've poured a lot of effort into “finding a purpose,” often pushing myself and others too hard. Thrashing around in the river… so to say. But eventually, I realized it’s impossible to build a meaningful life on a foundation of control. Because, in the end, there is not much you can control. Instead, I realized that the base layer of a peaceful and fulfilling life can only be surrendering to what is and, as a result, being grateful to be given the chance to enjoy the experience of existence. And funnily enough, that realization gave me more control. 

What now?

If you let the story and its consequences marinate for a bit and start to resonate with it, it gives you all you need. But in the next post, I’ll make it a little bit more concrete for two reasons:

• We live in a very left-brained society, i.e., analytical and object-oriented. I’m certainly “guilty” of over-analyzing stuff. But it does mean we sometimes find things hard to accept without a more wordy or thorough explanation.

• Second, I promised in part 1 that I’d share more about the framework of how I look at this, with a picture and all that. So I don’t want to let the people who expect that down.

So next time, I’ll go into the 4 A’s of meaning-making (hint: the bolded words in the story above).

Thanks for reading!

Jibran

In the modern age, we use technology as a crutch to help us walk through life because we fear we can't stand on our own legs or lean on those of others.

This creates a state of disconnection and helplessness, resulting in a sense of meaninglessness.

But we have perfectly good legs...

…we've just forgotten how to use them.

Hey friends, welcome back to Meaning-Making.1 It’s been a while, a little over six months. But I have not forgotten you, not at all.

First, let me give you a short update that I’ll promptly tie into today’s topic.

Life was insanely busy—for many reasons—not the least because I burned myself out a bit.2

Doing what?

Well, first, hosting and participating in a 100-day writing challenge, then preparing for my own wedding, and lastly, juggling family life as Gigi, my wife—who was, up to that point, officially, not my wife, though we’ve been calling each other husband and wife for years…—had crisis after crisis at her work.

But wait, here’s the kicker: while all this is happening, naive me committed to taking singing lessons.

Every other week.

Practicing every day.

In secret!

Sing for me, baby

Last year, knowing our wedding was coming up, I asked myself what the greatest sacrifice was that I could offer to show my love to Gigi (that didn’t involve some silly dramatic Romeo-and-Juliet-dying thing). Immediately, the answer popped up in my mind:

“Sing for her.”

This meant overcoming my biggest anxiety... singing. I had zero, nil, nada experience singing. The most I did was “hum” a bit under the shower. The thought of actually using my voice for anything more than just talking—rather monotonously, as I do—was terrifying. Merely at the thought of singing, I would be overcome by an intense feeling of shame.

But with the help of a very patient and openhearted teacher (thank you, D!), I got through the cathartic process of overcoming the shame of singing—and went on to sing “Rollercoaster” by Danny Vera for Gigi during our ceremony. (It was already “our song” before I decided to take the singing lessons because our life together had been such a roller coaster up to this point.)

It was a beautiful moment with gasps of surprise, tears of love, and smiles of joy. A moment where I was grateful to be able to show my love through singing words that resonated within both of us.

In any case, a moment I will never forget and which I’ll likely expand on in another post. Maybe a post about overcoming shame? Or one about finding your (metaphorical) voice?

Why not today?

Well, since I’ve been away from you for half a year, I think it’s fair to summarize why I’m writing Meaning-Making, this publication, in the first place. Especially now that, over the last year, I have gained a clearer idea of how the things I write serve the people who might read all this. So, in Simon Sinek fashion, I’ll take you through the golden circle—the Why, How, and What—of Meaning-Making. I’ll spread it out over three posts to not overwhelm you.

Before we get into today’s topic, which is about my Why, I’ll give a quick overview of what you can expect.

• Part 1 - The most important words a man can say (or sing… or write…).
  (you’re reading this right now)

  • Why I think it’s important to share my ideas about practicing how to live a joyful and grateful life of peace, clarity, purpose, and connection.

• Part 2 - Going from Seeker to Maker in the Modern Age.
  (aiming to publish ~Nov. 20th, very excited to share this!)

  • How my philosophy, including a simplified but powerful view, helps one practice the art of meaning-making.

• Part 3 - What my writing aims to do to support this art of meaning-making.
  (aiming to publish ~Nov. 27th)

  • What do I write, how did I come to write, and what can you expect from me in the future?

Ok, onto today’s part, part one, my Why.

The most important words a man can say

This heading above, “the most important words a man can say,” is actually a line from one of the epic fantasy novels from the Stormlight series, authored by prolific fantasy writer Brandon Sanderson. The series has an immortal order of Knights, the Knights Radiant. These Knights have certain ideals, or sayings, that serve as oaths or mottos—or magic words, even—that they live by. One of these sayings, in particular, has stuck with me since the day I read Sanderson’s books. It is this:

“Journey before Destination.”3

"Journey before Destination" is more than a saying to me—it's one of my core beliefs. I believe that life, seen as a journey of self-actualization—and, ultimately—self-transcendence, is what makes life meaningful. (As opposed to frustratingly seeking for meaning.)

It took two decades of additional life experience, where—starting out as a teen, writing on LiveJournal4—my writing and thinking evolved from youthful clichés focused on seeking meaning, to a clear philosophy, of making meaning. 

Or rephrased to fit the above saying: I had to learn to go from seeking a destination to realizing I was making a journey.

But why is this important, and why is it important now? I.e., why are these the most important words I can say?

I think in this modern day and age, more than ever, we use technology and media as a crutch to help us walk—or, I’d even go as far as to say “cope”—through life because we fear we can't stand on our own legs or lean on those of others. (I certainly had to learn how to do so.)

So, it’s no wonder that this state of alienation and disconnection from nature, others, and ourselves—combined with a deep feeling of helplessness—can result in an overwhelming sense of meaninglessness.

But we have perfectly good legs; we've just forgotten how to use them.

So, stretching this metaphor a little further, next week we’ll look at How I think we can stand, walk, and run through life by practicing the art of meaning-making.

Here’s a little sneak-peek image of what I’ll talk about in the next post:

But before we close off, let me tie it all back to the story at the start of this post.

What the realization of making meaning has given me

Overcoming my anxiety to sing and serenading Gigi in front of a crowd was my ultimate expression of saying, “I love you.” It was the way I knew, for sure, that I’d show her my heart. But I could not have done that—and many other things—ten or even five years ago when I was still in this frustrated-seeking state of mind.

Going from meaning seeker to meaning maker has allowed me to live a much more peaceful, authentic, and connected life.

And I want to share what I learned to help others enjoy their journey.

So, in the same spirit as showing my love to Gigi through singing words, I am writing words in this publication to show and remind you that living a meaningful life is something you can learn. It’s an art of embracing every step of the journey rather than seeking a final destination.

Thanks for reading.

Here is a question for you to ponder before we meet again:

What are the most important words you can say (or sing, or write)?

Let me know in a comment!

Leave a comment

Glad to be back, cheers!

Jibran

Hey friends, this post started out with the title, “I need to improve my English speech (as a non-native speaker).” But it turned into something else. I think it’s relevant to know with what title this draft started because it shows where I’m coming from. I.e., wanting to connect more with the people that feel like my intellectual peers. But as you’ll see through reading this piece, I am coming to some insights live, while writing. Hence going forward, this piece is pretty unedited stream-of-consciousness writing.

Strap in, cause I won’t be the most nuanced today.

Ready?

Ok, let’s go!

I have ideas.

Ideas that I feel are worth sharing with more than just my fellow Dutchies. So I write in English, which is fine, but I have noticed the “secret” way to gain reach (although maybe it’s not really a secret, maybe I’m just too much of a chicken to lean into it) is to have face-to-face or live contact with other “idea” people. Mainly people in the US. People that are in the “ingroup” of, eh, let’s erhm, call it the… “Global Idea Sharing” (GIS) space.

Not being in real face-to-face contact with GIS people, I feel I have to put more effort into “selling” my ideas. But I refuse to be “salesy” about my ideas. (I hate it when people sell me stuff, though that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms to open.)

A sidenote I added just before publishing: maybe there’s an actual cultural difference here? That of US folks being much more comfortable with selling or being salesy? (Safest in the eyes of us Dutch folk, that is.) Hence folks from the US gaining more reach because that’s their natural form of communicating. But me, being Dutch—which is like the least salesy culture there is—have a problem with that. Anyway, just a hypothesis so far, let’s continue with the rant…

So to actually hard sell would be to go against what feels right to me, and it’d kill part of my soul. Thus to “sell” my ideas, to get them out there—in a fashion that is authentic for me—I have to make meaningful connections. “Duh!” you say, right? But as global culture is mainly being made in the US, I have to share my ideas with people there. And herein lies the problem for me. Two problems, really:

• First, my “live” English vocabulary during speech is pretty shitty. I often feel I come across as stupid (that’s my own opinion, though, and a rational part of me would say, “that’s imposter syndrome”) when uttering English in conversation. Resulting in me sometimes getting anxious and acting all weird, pushing away the very folks I’d like to connect with.

• Second, I am a father of two young kids, and my wife works 60 hours a week, so I can’t easily go off and leave for the US (for a few days/weeks) to connect & vibe like lots of the digital nomad types do.

Digging deeper into what I perceive as that unspoken secret: it seems that folks and my online friends from the US—or at least native English speakers who also visit the US—constitute a distinct group compared to the rest of us who primarily interact online. And everyone looks at this distinct group for the direction taken in the GIS space. Or at least that’s my perspective… maybe. (As you see, I’m kinda unsure about it all.)

I mean, there are folks here in the Netherlands sharing stuff on similar topics that I talk/write about as well. But they are not making culture. They are copying what they see at the edge of novelty globally/in the US, and then translating it (badly, imo) into Dutch, with all the crappy mistranslated words, misconstrued meanings, etc.

It all feels a bit amateurish, you know? As if you’d ask high schoolers to come up with a new invention for flying vehicles. A fun project, and they learn something from it—so it is valuable in its own way—but they won’t actually create a new invention there.

I’m probably doing a disservice here, cause people do help one another—in some ways even more so than in the global online space—but it’s not the creation of “new” ideas.

Another side note: Ok, writing here to create a bit of nuance, cause rereading it does come across as a bit too harsh/arrogant… So I’ll point out here that my ideas may very well not be novel for other folks: my writing/ideas are probably boring and “mistranslated” for some people out there as well. I.e., I may be the high schooler figuring stuff out for myself here. And that’s fine. It’s just that I would like to gain those new insights, and share them, but I’m getting most of those insights when interacting with the global/US-centered group of people.

I know this can sound kinda grandiose or arrogant, right? But the ideas that pop up here in the Netherlands on the topics I’m interested in are not so novel to me. Usually a few years behind what I saw in English-speaking work (except in the te h space, that’s pretty much on par with global stuff). So I don’t feel connected to that Dutch scene at all on the intellectual and exploratory level.

Of course, I do connect way more on an emotional level here, especially with people close by. The top 50 to 100 or so folks that I love and care deeply for in my life are nearly all here in the Netherlands or grew up here. And maybe that’s what at the root of this disconnect? That I just want to feel more emotionally connected to the folks with whom I share the intellectual passions.

Funny, now that I’m writing this, I see there’s actually a gap in the Dutch “idea market” that I could fill. As in, I am connected to that GIS-space, on an idea level at least, and can translate it for my fellow Dutchies in a way that I think isn’t being done much now. Though is it possible to be in both worlds? (Seeing I wrote 500+ words above about there being a possibly unspoken US “ingroup” that I’m not in…)

Should I maybe practice here what I always preach about individual life? Namely, “Play Your Own Game.” As in, playing our own Dutch/European game? Change the culture here in such a way that folks from the US want to go here instead? Making it so that the global culture is being made here? How’s that for a grandiose idea?! (Then I can finally do my work from the leisurely place of my own home/country/continent without feeling the pull outward… or so I think.)

Still, maybe (read: highly likely) this whole rant could just be me whining and making excuses—an even worse excuse than “I need to improve my English speech,” lol—for not just emailing folks from the US to go on a curiosity call and connect…

Alright, that’s it. Thanks for indulging me in this rant. But puuhlease don’t be too hard on me, cause I’m not even 100% sure I agree with myself in all of the above. That’s why it’s a rant, you know…

Still, if you have thoughts about this, please do share, cause I’m definitely curious about the perspective of other “online” folks, from both the US and other places.

Leave a comment

Cheers!

Jibran

PS. Next week I’ll wrap up my thoughts on the 100-Day Creator Challenge!

Also, I’d love to hear your stories, so feel free to share the wonders that have graced your life.

Let’s go!

Quickly jump to your preferred section:

1. A Workshop to Craft Your Unique Symbol

2. Progress on the 100-Day Creator Challenge

3. Creative Self-Assessment + Creative Archetype Quiz

4. Card Deck for Self-Discovery

5. Course & Coaching Adventures

6. The Aesthetics of Meaning-Making

7. Personal Life (Behind the Scenes)

A Workshop to Craft Your Unique Symbol

In just a few weeks (Tuesday, April 25th), I'll be hosting a special workshop salon that will guide you to create your very own unique symbol. The idea emerged while I was soaking in the beauty of Austria, sharing time with my dear friends and (whom I met through Twitter). Initially, I envisioned people making symbols of steel, wood, stone, or clay—and I’ll eventually work up toward hosting something like that—but for now, I’m embracing the digital realm first.

If your heart calls you to join, follow the sign-up link.

The workshop invites you to dive into the depths of your life story, exploring your subconscious, (inner) relationships, and cherished memories. We'll then gather the most meaningful and significant fragments, molding them into a symbol that's uniquely yours. This symbol will hold a treasure trove of emotion and meaning, ready to unfold in your mind whenever you catch a glimpse of it, reminding you of what truly matters.

Join "The Symbol That Is You" Workshop

The 100-Day Creator Challenge

We're approaching the end of our 100-day creator challenge, reaching day 93 today. Throughout this voyage, I've written an abundance and even ventured into the realm of video creation. Witnessing the heartfelt writing, videos, and audio from fellow creatives has been a joy. It's been truly inspiring to see people connecting and overcoming obstacles they never thought possible.

But I must confess, this challenge has demanded more of me than I anticipated. Writing daily is one thing, but hosting and facilitating this challenge is an entirely different experience. Next time, I may focus solely on facilitation or enlist a helping hand, perhaps even charging a (small) fee to justify the time spent on this labor of love. It has encroached on family time, but the growth and transformation others have experienced make it worthwhile.

As we approach the finish line, I eagerly await the opportunity to connect with everyone who participated. I'm curious to learn about their insights, experiences, and any feedback they have to offer. So, if you're reading this and are part of the challenge, know that I'll be reaching out to hear from you in a few weeks! 😘

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Creative Self-Assessment + Archetype Quiz

Last summer, I crafted a creative self-assessment during a solitary hackathon. Over 200 folks have completed it, each receiving personalized charts and insights into their creative strengths and points of improvement. But I believe it can be even more illuminating, so I've been quietly refining it.

My aim is to help people delve even deeper into their creative spirit. I've identified about ~20 aspects of the creative life, each accompanied by introspective questions and lots of insightful resources (probably a small book worth!). I envision this blossoming into a product I can share with the world, akin to StrengthsFinder (those of you who’ve worked in the corporate world probably have heard of it), but specifically for the creative life. I haven't come across one focused on creativity, so I thought, why not create it myself? The assessment is designed to help you understand your creative strengths and weaknesses.

Additionally, I've been working on a "Creative Archetype Quiz" that you might have seen in the newsletter. (During our 100-day creator challenge, I’m sharing a few of the archetypes, but they still require some refinement. They're a bit too similar for my taste.) The quiz will be a free offering, a stepping-stone to the self-assessment experience. If you're intrigued or have any ideas or suggestions, please don't hesitate to reach out!

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Card Deck for Self-Discovery

Some of you may remember that I've been working on a self-discovery card deck. I designed it back in February, and the printed cards look quite striking. However, the packaging presented a challenge.

In short, I found a printing shop for the packaging, but the results haven't entirely met my expectations. The size is accurate, but it has some tiny irregularities (misaligned words on the side, and the edge of the glued side is seen on the front). As I don't want the packaging to detract from the overall experience—leading customers to rate it four stars instead of five on Etsy for my first product 😅—I want this creation to be a top-notch offering.

I've considered enlisting help specifically for the packaging design. While I'm confident in my ability to create the images, translating digital designs into a physical product requires a skill set I'm still learning. I'm no expert, and with all the other projects I'm juggling, I don't want to invest all my time mastering packaging design when I could seek assistance from others.

Admittedly, I struggle with asking for help and typically prefer to journey solo for this type of stuff. But perhaps this is an opportunity for me to embrace the value of relying on others.

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Course & Coaching Adventures

Over the past nine or ten months, I've been slowly weaving together a course curriculum. I've also had the invaluable opportunity to test most of the exercises with a coaching client. Receiving feedback on what's working, what needs improvement, and what requires clarity has been a transformative experience. I've run some of these exercises as workshops, but guiding one person through the entire process provides a solid point of reference.

My next step was to create the full course and launch it, but, as you can see, my hands are quite full with lots of different projects. So, for now, I'm considering focusing more on coaching and group sessions since it requires less upfront work (such as producing videos and crafting a complete curriculum; coaching sessions can be customized to meet each client's unique needs.)

While I do still plan to launch a course this year—possibly a beta version in July—I will likely test the course curriculum in small groups first. As I mentioned earlier, one of the primary exercises, creating your own symbol, is already scheduled as a workshop. There are more workshops in the works, such as Working with your gift, Your atomic unit of productivity/creativity, Exploring archetypes, Understanding values, and many others. But I won't reveal all the surprises just yet.

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The Aesthetics of Meaning-Making

As I've been navigating the waters of these projects and products, I've noticed they seem somewhat separate from my art.

Let me “side-note” this: I think there is an art in teaching and coaching (as well as in the making of the card decks). But in this case, what I mean with “My Art,” is the personal stories, fiction, parables, poems, and essays I write.

And I write for myself first. That’s why this publication is free.

But since I'm also creating products and providing services, I’m starting to believe it's best to present them under a different name.

I don’t want to fall into the trap of my name becoming synonymous with a card deck brand or teaching/coaching business. What I want to put into the world as a product or service should be able to stand on its own. Also, if I do ever want to get someone on, for the fulfillment and customer service of card decks, for example, it just feels too weird to me if an employee says, “I’m a Customer Service rep. for Jibran el Bazi Card Decks.” (But maybe I’m overthinking it…)

If anything, I want my writing to be “Jibran”-branded. (Maybe I will eventually sell a book, or two). So with that idea in mind, for my more businessy stuff, I'm drawn to "The Art of Meaning Making," as it captures the essence of the products and services I’m building, AND it’s close enough to what I named this writing here (“Meaning-Making”).

Practically, this means I may end up dividing my writing. But I'm still uncertain about it. The last thing I need is to manage multiple websites, like Substack, my blog, Etsy, a course site, and another Substack." That would be overwhelming. So, for the next few months, I'll likely keep everything here. But be aware that I'm considering organizing the content into different categories in the future.

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Life Behind the Scenes

Now that we've covered an array of updates related to my art and business ventures, let's delve into some personal life updates.

Lately, I've been quite occupied with family life, as our kids have numerous school and social activities (almost like the school & teachers had the idea to “catch up” with what they missed during all the last years). Anyway, I’m the "vliegende keep" at home, since my wife has a demanding job as a high school director.

Vliegende keep is a Dutch saying that literally means someone who is playing both the goalkeeper AND plays in the field.

Being vliegende keep means I’m all over the place as I'm the one at home managing all the child-related tasks, such as biking them to school, picking them up, arranging play dates, “holding down the fort” in the afternoons, and preparing meals. But also random stuff like going on a claim-hunt—is that even a word?—since the Dutch-Gov-Shell-duo created earthquakes causing cracks in our walls…

To make space in my schedule for all that, I took unpaid leave for half a year—or a sabbatical, however you wanna call it— from my part-time job. (For which I’m really grateful.) This allows me to focus on the above projects and maintain harmony at home while also preparing for a big celebration my wife and I have coming up. Next to that, I also want to allocate a bit more time for relaxation. I've been working nights, which isn't strictly necessary, but I suppose it's because I chose to have so many projects going on at the same time. (I should probably prioritize one thing at a time...)

With all that said, I'm curious about your life. What’s been keeping you busy lately? Any updates or exciting news? Please share your stories with me, for I find immense joy in learning about your unique journey.

Until next time!

Leave a comment

Warm regards,

Jibran

Hey friends,

A little toilet humor, I hope you can appreciate it ;)

Leave a comment

Cheers! 😘

Jibran

Btw, you can read the previous posts in this series here below:

1. It's easy to be ignorant of your gift.

2. Your gift can feel like a curse.

3. Find someone who is a catalyst for your power.

So, here we go—part four: Wear Your Power Like a Mantle

Let’s explore the mantle metaphor

You know, when I first thought about using the concept of a mantle as a metaphor for our gifts, it reminded me of those grand, flowing cloaks you see in movies, where the hero wraps themselves in it to face the world. And I think that's actually a pretty cool way to visualize our gifts—they're like these incredible, protective layers that surround us, giving us strength and purpose.

The Divine Authority of the Mantle

I don't know about you, but I've always felt like there's something special about the idea of a mantle. It's more than just a piece of fabric; it symbolizes divine authority or protection. When we think about our gifts in this way, it's like we've been given these unique abilities by some higher power, and it's our responsibility to use them for good in the world.

The Heavy Burden of Responsibility

But, of course, with great power comes great responsibility (I know, so cliché, but it's true). Wearing our mantle means we have to face the challenges of wielding our gifts. It's like this constant reminder that we have the power to make a difference, but we also have to be mindful of the impact our actions have on others.

Being an Example for Others

And let's not forget, wearing a mantle also means we're kind of putting ourselves out there. People notice when you wear your power proudly, and suddenly, you're an example for others to follow. That's a lot of pressure, right? But it's also a fantastic opportunity to show the world how our gifts can be used for good (and maybe even inspire others to do the same.)

Duty and Servitude

Finally, I think one of the most important things about wearing our power like a mantle is recognizing that it's not just for our benefit. Our gifts are meant to be used in service of others, and that's a responsibility we shouldn’t take lightly.

What does your mantle look like?

What color(s), what fabric? What patterns? Heavy or light? Would you always wear it? Can you lend your mantle to others? Try to ask yourself these questions, and maybe. some interesting answers start popping up.

In any case, I hope this piece resonates with you and helps you think about how you wear your mantle—your gift or power—as much as it does with me.

Leave a comment

Thanks for reading!

Jibran

Enjoy!

Cat, Hedgehog, and Crow

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Once upon a winter's day, a cat lived on a small farm. The cat was a skilled hunter, and the farmer rewarded him with milk for every rat he caught. The cold winds blew, and snow covered the ground, but the cat continued to catch rats to keep the farm safe and earn his milk.

One frigid morning, the cat brought back a plump rat for the farmer, who gratefully filled a bowl with milk. However, the cat wasn't thirsty yet, so he left the bowl of milk and went for a stroll around the farm. While walking, he spotted a crow perched on a tree branch. They exchanged a nod and went their separate ways.

When the cat returned to his milk, he found it gone! He noticed small footprints leading away from the bowl, and, his curiosity piqued, he followed the trail. The prints led to a burrow beneath a snow-covered bush. There, the cat discovered a sickly hedgehog, its snout and paws covered in milk.

The hedgehog weakly asked the cat for help, explaining that the stolen milk had made him ill, as hedgehogs didn't digest milk well. He needed a special root to remedy his sickness, but the cat, bitter and angry at the theft, refused. The cat left the burrow, seeking another rat to catch in exchange for more milk. But as he roamed the farm, he couldn't shake the feeling that if he didn't help, the hedgehog might perish from the very milk he had stolen.

Unable to ignore his conscience, the cat returned to the burrow and found the hedgehog unconscious. Panicked, he raced out of the burrow, meowing for help with the intent to find the special root hedgehog had talked about earlier. The cunning crow heard his cries and flew to the cat, proposing a deal: he would help find the root, but only if the cat shared his milk with the crow for a week. Though hesitant, the cat agreed to the arrangement.

Together, the cat and the crow searched for the special root. Crow found it hidden beneath the snow, and the cat carried it back to the hedgehog's burrow. He gently placed a piece of the root in the hedgehog's mouth, and the hedgehog slowly regained consciousness.

The hedgehog thanked the cat for saving his life, but the cat remained angry about his stolen milk. The hedgehog apologized and explained that he had stolen the milk out of desperation. The rats had been stealing the food he gathered, leaving him weak and hungry. The cat considered this information and devised a plan. With the hedgehog's knowledge of the rats' hiding places, the cat could catch even more rats for the farmer.

In the following days, the cat caught twice as many rats as before, earning him twice as much milk. True to his word, he shared half of his milk with the crow who had helped save the hedgehog's life. Even after sharing his milk with the crow, the cat still had the same amount of milk he'd had in the beginning. Meanwhile, the farm flourished, safe from the rats that once plagued it.

And so, the cat, the crow, and the hedgehog lived harmoniously on the farm, each playing their part in keeping it safe and prosperous. The once-bitter cat learned the value of forgiveness and cooperation, and they all grew wiser and kinder from their experiences.

As the snow melted and winter gave way to spring, the sun shone brightly upon the farm, warming the hearts of its inhabitants, just as their newfound friendships had warmed their souls.

Let me know if you enjoyed it!

Leave a comment

Sincerely,

Jibran

Hey friends, here’s another poem I wrote & narrated.

Thanks for reading!

Leave a comment

Regards,

Jibran

PS. Here are some other poems I wrote or narrated.

"Love the Process."

Ah, that ever-present platitude, so often uttered that it feels as if it's lost its essence. Alongside clichés like "think outside the box" and "win-win situation," these phrases pass through our ears, barely registering as meaningful or relevant.

To infuse some fresh meaning into this tired expression, let's dissect "love the process" and make it tangible, using a brief personal story as our guide. But first, let's make sure we're on the same page: Loving the process means truly embracing it, allowing the desired outcomes to emerge organically.

Simple as it sounds, actually living this mantra can prove elusive. So, let's clarify what loving the process is not:

• It doesn't mean adoring every single aspect of your process. Chances are, you won't be head over heels for every task.

• It's not about coercing yourself into loving what you're doing. Love can't be forced.

• It doesn't involve turning a blind eye to the less pleasant parts of your process or tasks.

With that in mind, let's delve into a personal example of loving the process.

When you're fully immersed in work that genuinely captivates you—perhaps even love—it becomes your driving force. For me, that force is exploring ideas within my current interests and weaving them into a cohesive narrative, often expressed visually or textually.

However, the act of translating these ideas into something accessible to others demands extra effort. To share my viewpoint with those of differing backgrounds, I must craft a gripping story or illustration. This involves outlining, writing, finding examples and visuals, and ultimately, hitting "publish."

Naturally, I find some tasks more pleasurable than others. But I still tackle the less alluring aspects of the process because sharing my discoveries brings me joy. Sometimes, I might choose not to publish if I think it won't add value (indeed, sidestepping over-optimization can help maintain that spark in the process).

Although certain tasks might not be as gratifying as the exploratory work, they're still vital to the whole process. By honing my focus on creating a body of work that is both aesthetically appealing and captivating for the right audience, I find satisfaction in the entire process.

In summary, learning to love the process means embracing both the delightful and the daunting aspects of your work and recognizing that each element plays a part in the final product. By tying this abstract concept to real-life experiences, we can rekindle its meaning and motivate ourselves to authentically love the process.

So, what does your (creative) process entail? Which parts do you find most enjoyable?

Leave a comment

Cheers,

Jibran

Find someone who is a catalyst for your power.

In part one, we delved into recognizing our gifts, and in part two, we pondered how to accept them, even when they seemed more like a burden than a blessing. Today, in part three, let's jump into the realm of catalysts, those beings or experiences that enhance and amplify your gift, creating a more potent you.

Throughout my life, I've found inspiration in stories, myths, and even popular culture that showcase the fusion, or uniting, of power. From Dragon Ball Z to legendary heroes, the concept of finding a catalyst to amplify your strength is a recurring theme that has resonated with me.

A catalyst—person, group, or environment—empowers and elevates your gift, inspiring, challenging, and supporting your growth.

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Different Types of Catalysts

In my life, I've stumbled upon various catalysts that have helped me “unfold” into the curious creature I am today.

Mutually Strengthening Relationships (complementing each other's gifts)

I've been fortunate enough to form friendships and partnerships with people whose unique gifts interlock with mine like pieces of a puzzle. Take, for example, my dear wife and I as we embark on projects together. I'm the one who conjures novel ideas, designs, or visions, yet I’m pretty bad—though getting better—when it comes to following through. Gigi, however, is a relentless force of nature who pushes us across the finish line. Together, we've achieved feats we could never have imagined, like renovating our humble abode and traversing the globe.

Friendly Competition (or sibling rivalry)

A friendly rivalry—often found between siblings in their younger years—can be a catalyst for propelling oneself to new heights. Having someone who shares a similar gift and constantly challenges you to improve is a powerful motivator. I recall the days of playing Smash and Halo with my younger brother, locked in a fierce but loving battle to outdo one another. (What say you to a game of Smash Sudden Death soon, dear brother? 😘)

Cheerleader-Type Support (from friends and family)

In my journey, I've found a wellspring of support from friends—both in the digital and physical realms—and family who believe in me and my gift without reservation. They provide the encouragement, motivation, and emotional sustenance I need to keep forging ahead, even when faced with seemingly insurmountable obstacles.

Honest Feedback from a Peer Group (learning & growing together)

Joining communities (like the lovely for example)  and other groups related to my passions—like my local group of fellow freelancers and entrepreneurs—have provided me with valuable feedback. The best constructive criticism, or True Sight™️, emanates from peers who share your taste in work and can offer feedback that genuinely illuminates your path. This also unlocks opportunities to learn from their experiences and to give back in your own unique way.

What better catalyst than a group of like-minded folks with whom you connect with?

Embracing the Catalyst

Reflecting on my personal journey of embracing my gift—my insatiable curiosity and passion for asking questions—I can see how different catalysts have contributed to my growth. From mentors who nurtured my inquisitiveness to peer groups of fellow knowledge-seekers, each connection has helped me unlock a fragment of my potential.

So, as you continue to work with your gift, be open to finding the catalyst that will help you unlock your full potential. It might materialize in the form of a person, a group, or an experience, but when you find it, embrace it and let it guide you to amplify the latent power within.

Do you have someone or something that’s a catalyst for your gifts? Let me know!

Leave a comment

Warm regards,

Jibran

Hey friends, here’s another poem I wrote (& narrated.)

A little tongue-in-cheek neighborhood event.

Thanks for reading!

Leave a comment

Regards,

Jibran

PS. Here are some other poems I wrote or narrated.

“You have to be transparent, so you no longer cast a shadow, but instead let the light pass through you."
Kamand Kojouri

Such a beautiful phrase that made me reshape my wonder about what we mean by the word “transparency” (or being a transparent person).

Dictionaries define transparency (as it relates to people) as follows:

”Having thoughts or feelings that are easily perceived.”

This definition above is how I’ve always used the term as well. But maybe the origin of the term comes from what Kamand talks about. That if you’re transparent, you can let the light pass through. “Light” is another metaphor here. I’d interpret it as “goodness” (or God, or source, or love). So when you are transparent, you let the light pass through you and illuminate—enlighten—what lies before you.

When you are transparent,
you let the light pass through you,
illuminating what lies before you.
me <3

Another metaphor for becoming transparent.

If you’re transparent, one can see through you as if you were a ghost—a spirit. Aren’t ghosts or spirits of another world? Will you then “leave this world” when you become fully transparent? In a way, yes. If you let go of all desires—non-attachment, as some eastern traditions talk about—then you’re not “bound” to this world anymore.1

So is becoming transparent the practice of spirituality, then? I’m not sure, maybe I’m making connections that are too out there, but it does feel like a coincidence that’s too beautiful not to relate.

What happens if you’re not transparent?

You will cast a shadow, darkening what lies before you. Your shadow will be darker the more solid—or less transparent—you are. Is this what eastern traditions mean by (the negatives of) attachment? That if you attach yourself to the world—to matter—you will block the light, casting a shadow.2

Sounds likely, to me.

The shadow here represents the parts of us we don’t want to look at, the parts that we’re attached to and hide—pain, trauma, shameful thoughts, guilt, etc. The dark things we all carry with us—karma, you might say. We have to, at some point, acknowledge it and do something with it, or else it’ll lash out in our lives while we’re unconscious of it. Casting a shadow.

Ignore your shadow at your peril.

Carl Jung, famous for talking about the shadow, has an interesting quote that relates:

“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”

It essentially says the same thing, the less transparent you are to yourself, the darker your shadow.

To become transparent, understand yourself.

But if we understand our inner worlds better, we can detach, acknowledge, accept, and then let go of our shadow. I wonder if this is what some people mean by being “enlightened?” Or holy? I.e., "holy" people lost (a big part of) their shadow through a deep understanding of themselves and, in the words of Nelson Mandela, are now letting their light shine and giving others permission to do the same.3 (Hence halos are depicted around their heads.)

I think this is a good quote to end this on. For now.

“As we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same.”
Nelson Mandela

Thanks for reading.

Leave a comment

Bright regards,

Jibran

Hey friends, I came across this short thread, and I know many who’ve had this sinking feeling, me included. So I thought I’d write a little response.

This will change.

If you said you were 66, then maybe not. Or at least it’d be way more difficult cause there’s even more “karma” attached to your self/ego. But at 26, you got a life ahead of you!

I had this feeling of having wasted my life until I was nearly 35, and it went away completely1 after I realized I was good enough as I am.2 Maybe not all my actions and ways of thinking—i.e., the persona or ego—but the core part of me? That’s just unbounded goodness. As is everyone’s core being.

Now I see just being here—alive and taking in the world—as a gift. So I might as well enjoy it while I’m here and play around with the other beings.

And on a more particular note—and maybe it’s stronger for women, though I always experienced this as well: Do you have the wish to become a parent?

I know women who’ve “filled” that hole or sinking feeling by becoming a mom. From my experience as a dad, having kids also helps me with a part of that “meaning-making.” Not necessarily because of a “look at me, I’m leaving a legacy” idea but because my kids make me feel grateful every day cause I can see the world through their eyes of wonder.

Anyway, good luck, you’ll be fine!

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Warm regards,

Jibran