The most important words a man can say (or sing… or write…)

Part one of my three-part series on The Art of Meaning-Making: Why do we need to relearn the art of meaning-making?

Nov 12, 2023

In the modern age, we use technology as a crutch to help us walk through life because we fear we can't stand on our own legs or lean on those of others.

This creates a state of disconnection and helplessness, resulting in a sense of meaninglessness.

But we have perfectly good legs...

…we've just forgotten how to use them.

Hey friends, welcome back to Meaning-Making.1It’s been a while, a little over six months. But I have not forgotten you, not at all.

First, let me give you a short update that I’ll promptly tie into today’s topic.

Life was insanely busy—for many reasons—not the least because I burned myself out a bit.2

Doing what?

Well, first, hosting and participating in a 100-day writing challenge, then preparing for my own wedding, and lastly, juggling family life as Gigi, my wife—who was, up to that point, officially, not my wife, though we’ve been calling each other husband and wife for years…—had crisis after crisis at her work.

But wait, here’s the kicker: while all this is happening, naive me committed to taking singing lessons.

Every other week.

Practicing every day.

In secret!

Sing for me, baby

Last year, knowing our wedding was coming up, I asked myself what the greatest sacrifice was that I could offer to show my love to Gigi (that didn’t involve some silly dramatic Romeo-and-Juliet-dying thing). Immediately, the answer popped up in my mind:

“Sing for her.”

This meant overcoming my biggest anxiety... singing. I had zero, nil, nada experience singing. The most I did was “hum” a bit under the shower. The thought of actually using my voice for anything more than just talking—rather monotonously, as I do—was terrifying. Merely at the thought of singing, I would be overcome by an intense feeling of shame.

But with the help of a very patient and openhearted teacher (thank you, D!), I got through the cathartic process of overcoming the shame of singing—and went on to sing “Rollercoaster” by Danny Vera for Gigi during our ceremony. (It was already “our song” before I decided to take the singing lessons because our life together had been such a roller coaster up to this point.)

It was a beautiful moment with gasps of surprise, tears of love, and smiles of joy. A moment where I was grateful to be able to show my love through singing words that resonated within both of us.

In any case, a moment I will never forget and which I’ll likely expand on in another post. Maybe a post about overcoming shame? Or one about finding your (metaphorical) voice?

Why not today?

Well, since I’ve been away from you for half a year, I think it’s fair to summarize why I’m writing Meaning-Making, this publication, in the first place. Especially now that, over the last year, I have gained a clearer idea of how the things I write serve the people who might read all this. So, in Simon Sinek fashion, I’ll take you through the golden circle—the Why, How, and What—of Meaning-Making. I’ll spread it out over three posts to not overwhelm you.

Before we get into today’s topic, which is about my Why, I’ll give a quick overview of what you can expect.

Part 1 - The most important words a man can say (or sing… or write…).
(you’re reading this right now)
- Why I think it’s important to share my ideas about practicing how to live a joyful and grateful life of peace, clarity, purpose, and connection.
Part 2 - Going from Seeker to Maker in the Modern Age.
(aiming to publish ~Nov. 20th, very excited to share this!)
- How my philosophy, including a simplified but powerful view, helps one practice the art of meaning-making.
Part 3 - What my writing aims to do to support this art of meaning-making.
(aiming to publish ~Nov. 27th)
- What do I write, how did I come to write, and what can you expect from me in the future?

And for the more visually inclined, here’s a high-level overview.

Ok, onto today’s part, part one, my Why.

The most important words a man can say

This heading above, “the most important words a man can say,” is actually a line from one of the epic fantasy novels from the Stormlight series, authored by prolific fantasy writer Brandon Sanderson. The series has an immortal order of Knights, the Knights Radiant. These Knights have certain ideals, or sayings, that serve as oaths or mottos—or magic words, even—that they live by. One of these sayings, in particular, has stuck with me since the day I read Sanderson’s books. It is this:

“Journey before Destination.”3

"Journey before Destination" is more than a saying to me—it's one of my core beliefs. I believe that life, seen as a journey of self-actualization—and, ultimately—self-transcendence, is what makes life meaningful. (As opposed to frustratingly seeking for meaning.)

It took two decades of additional life experience, where—starting out as a teen, writing on LiveJournal4—my writing and thinking evolved from youthful clichés focused on seeking meaning, to a clear philosophy, of making meaning.

Or rephrased to fit the above saying: I had to learn to go from seeking a destination to realizing I was making a journey.

But why is this important, and why is it important now? I.e., why are these the most important words I can say?

I think in this modern day and age, more than ever, we use technology and media as a crutch to help us walk—or, I’d even go as far as to say “cope”—through life because we fear we can't stand on our own legs or lean on those of others. (I certainly had to learn how to do so.)

So, it’s no wonder that this state of alienation and disconnection from nature, others, and ourselves—combined with a deep feeling of helplessness—can result in an overwhelming sense of meaninglessness.

But we have perfectly good legs; we've just forgotten how to use them.

So, stretching this metaphor a little further, next week we’ll look at How I think we can stand, walk, and run through life by practicing the art of meaning-making.

Here’s a little sneak-peek image of what I’ll talk about in the next post:

But before we close off, let me tie it all back to the story at the start of this post.

What the realization of making meaning has given me

Overcoming my anxiety to sing and serenading Gigi in front of a crowd was my ultimate expression of saying, “I love you.” It was the way I knew, for sure, that I’d show her my heart. But I could not have done that—and many other things—ten or even five years ago when I was still in this frustrated-seeking state of mind.

Going from meaning seeker to meaning maker has allowed me to live a much more peaceful, authentic, and connected life.

And I want to share what I learned to help others enjoy their journey.

So, in the same spirit as showing my love to Gigi through singing words, I am writing words in this publication to show and remind you that living a meaningful life is something you can learn. It’s an art of embracing every step of the journey rather than seeking a final destination.

Thanks for reading.

Here is a question for you to ponder before we meet again:

What are the most important words you can say (or sing, or write)?

Let me know in a comment!

Jibran's Journal

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